Teardrops On My Guitar
by gothicbutterfly95
Summary: Maria's thoughts as she leaves for the Abbey during the party. Named after the Taylor Swift song, but not based on it.


Maria's mind was whirling a million miles an hour, yet she continued her packing in the same, slow motions that were unlike anything she ever did._ In love with him? _The words kept repeating over and over in her brain. How could that possibly be true? As she had said to the Baroness, she'd never done a thing to make the Captain think of her as anything other than his children's governess. Moreover, he was virtually engaged to the Baroness. Frau Schmidt had told her they were planning to marry before the summer ended. So how on Earth could he be falling in love with her? Maria had no experience with the world of love, but she wasn't stupid. She knew you couldn't marry someone when you were in love with someone else.

That only made her all the more sure she needed to leave. As much as it broke her heart leaving the villa, a place she had come to call home, and the seven beautiful children she had come to care for as her own, if she left, the Captain would have no other alternative than to pursue his engagement to the Baroness. And as the Baroness had said he would get over her; see their relationship for what it truly was: an insignificant fling and nothing more.

* * *

But even so, she couldn't disappear just like that. She just couldn't. She wouldn't do that to the children. If she was leaving them, and she knew she had to, she was not going to leave them with nothing.

But she also knew she couldn't tell them what had caused her to change her mind and leave suddenly. She knew if she mentioned the Baroness, the relationship between her and the Captain would be affected, and Maria didn't want that. She also couldn't say anything about these emotions she was feeling. She knew she just had to keep it simple.

So once all her bags were packed, Maria tore a blank page out of the back of her Bible and grabbed a pen out of the drawer. Fighting to keep the tears from her eyes she scribbled out a note saying that she missed her life at the Abbey too much and she could not bear to be away from it any longer. It wasn't exactly the truth; she knew that, but right now it seemed true enough to matter. After everything that had had happened tonight, Maria was starting to believe that the Abbey really was the only place in the world she could trust. At the villa she was in over her head. At the Abbey she'd be away from it; she'd be safe.

* * *

No one was in the foyer when Maria exited her bedroom and came down the stairs. Emotions she had no experience with were whirling all through her mind and body and she knew she could not stay in the von Trapp villa for one second more than was necessary. So she wasted no time in placing the note on the side table and disappearing outside, closing the door behind her.

It was dark outside and the sky looked ominous. Maria had no idea what the time was, but she hoped there would be another bus that evening. It had been a full on, emotional day for her and she was in no mood to walk all the way back to the Abbey.

As she walked down the street, so unlike how she had when she had first arrived at the von Trapp villa she began humming a song that her parents used to sing to her when she was a child. She'd never sung it to the von Trapp children, or anyone else for that matter. It was her most private song.

"...I can be whatever I want to be," she sung softly and sadly. But what exactly did she want to be? For years now she had been positive that all she had ever wanted was to be a nun; but she wasn't so sure anymore.

When she reached the second verse of the song; the verse about love her thoughts drifted back to earlier in the evening, when she had danced with the Captain. Towards the end of the dance, when their bodies were closer and they moved more slowly, a desire unknown to Maria had taken hold of her. So she had done the only thing she could think of, and had ended the dance, pretending she didn't remember any more. Was this a sign that what she was feeling really was love?

She arrived at the bus-stop a few minutes later and gently set down her bag and guitar case on the bench next to her. Unbuckling the case's clips, she removed the guitar and held it tight against her body, the way Marta and Gretl would their dolls.

Resting it on her lap she gently strummed the strings, her voice joining in a second later, singing the rest of the strange song she'd known forever, that like so many others, never failed to comfort her. But tonight it seemed to be doing more than simply comforting her. It was calling out to her very soul; matching the strange new feelings running through her.

Maria didn't know how long she had been lost in the song's melody when a thunderclap that rolled overhead brought her back to reality. Rain was starting to fall now and Maria was grateful for the bus shelter over her head and the absence of wind. It had been a very stressful day and the last thing she wanted was to be wet.

Another thunderclap sounded and within a couple of seconds the rain had gotten heavier. Maria's thoughts immediately flew to the children. Who was to say they wouldn't all jump out of bed and race off to her bedroom like they had done on her first night, only to discover their governess had left them.

Maria wasn't sure when the bus was coming, if there was one coming at all. But despite what she had thought when the rain had started, when the wind changed and began blowing the rain into the bus shelter, she was too worn out to care; to do anything but cry.

The rain poured down, mingling with the teardrops that silently fell onto the wood of Maria's guitar.

* * *

**The song she was singing was 'In My Own Little Corner' from Rogers and Hammerstein's 'Cinderella' which Julie Andrews starred in. **

**Hope you all liked it. Any comments (good or bad) are really appreciated.**


End file.
